Amben ku

Come join me on my journey As we tune in to the songs playing in my head. Come while I enjoy company.. Most days I prefer walking alone.


Its been a while. Life’s been kind of zen-like, kind of a roller-coaster. That’s life – trying to contain everything in my zen bubble. It makes it easier to handle. Kind of breezing in and out of stuff. Trying to not let it permeate thru the exterior. What’s inside, only He knows. sigh..

Oh yea, its Glastonbury fever. It looks like a lot of fun. A massive party with lots of cool, cool bands. Still hurting from being shafted from seeing the Manics play their whole gig. Ok, we got to see them perform You Stole the Sun from My Heart, Motown Junk and A Design for Life. Seeing Iggy Pop and the Stooges play in their 60’s was pretty neat too. Gosh Iggy’s got a lot of stamina and a great physique for someone his age. He got so many fans up on stage at one point. The Kooks were pretty awesome and the Killers too. The Killers are so freaking huge here.

A nice sedate weekend. Explored Maida Vale. Went to see The Big Durian. Neat film – experimental, gutsy, political. Makes me wanna make a film. Perhaps someday.. someday.. When I’m ready, when things fall into place.

Looking forward to the new week. Gonna be crazy busy again – Monday with Malay dance, Tuesday is ballet and Mukhsin, Wednesday not sure yet, perhaps lunch with a friend, Thursday is Lat and Jit Murad and Friday perhaps Malay Dance again. So much to do. So much travelling. Would be nice if we live somewhere closer. Would help a lot. Hopefully it’ll happen for us. Hopefully..

Glastonbury was nice. It would be cool to attend though it’ll be muddy and totally crazy. Like how do a million people try to find a clean toilet there?? I’d much rather be lounging on the couch with laptop on my lap, sipping raspberry juice and singing and dancing along to the Manics in my living room :)

Till then.. its the wait..

Passion for the Manics

Finally got to see one of my all-time favourite Brit Band – Manic Street Preachers. Awesome. Energetic. And such talented musicians. James Dean B sings with such passion. They write such wonderful songs with profound, meaningful lyrics.  Ah, finally I could lay my eyes on them and enjoy their music live.

During the show, I felt as one with the other Brits. Never thought I’ll experience that. In my journey I’ve always felt like an outsider. Only resting awhile in a place, a temporary home and then moving on. But last night the Brits and I we shared something. The Manics. They bound us together. A passion for the Manics.

So here I am. I’ve been listening to all these oh-so-cool Brit bands since my teenage years. And here I am right smack in London. Smelling in, absorbing and living it out in the Astoria. Bopping heads, wriggling bodies, voices loud and hoarse tuning into the songs.

Gosh, they were so good. The songs so freaking awesome. Showmanship was perfect.

A perfect show. I didnt get too crazy. Perhaps I am also growing older. And the Manics they’re pretty mature too. The fans pretty calm. And smart. That’s what u get for listening to the Manics. They make you feel clever.

And that I like!


Girly Lunch

So so exhausted. After the conference was over, after the newfound friends left – all I am left with are memories and sheer exhaustion.

Met with Maz, Dr Hadijah and Khadir at the British Library at the Sacred Texts exhibition. The exhibition was simply awesome. Beautiful old scriptures. Quran from all over the world. In the different scripts – kufic, thuluth and naskhi. Some of the Quran are illuminated beautifully too from the various countries in their own unique styles. The exhibition was really moving – from the sombre and atmosphere laden with an enlightening heaviness to the soothing music inside. I was so moved that I cried. It was just a beautiful, beautiful exhibition.

After filming was over we went back to Maz’s hotel room to leave our stuff and then walked in the beautiful spring rain in Covent Garden. We had such a magnificent lunch at the Italian Cafe. We each had pasta and shared a pizza. Maz was just over the moon especially with her hot chocolate. Later we walked around Covent Garden going from one stall and one store to another.

Had such a great time with such warm and intelligent company. That is what I miss to be able to hold meaningful conversations with such educated people. Yet at the same time they are passionate and humble. Dr Hadijah encouraged me to pursue my interests. To make my film about the Malay princesses. Perhaps one day, Insha-Allah.

Now I am down with some kind of flu. From the exhaustion and lack of sleep these past week.

Most importantly I am left inspired and motivated.

So Much for Zen-time

Its funny how life makes its twists and turns. Never would have dreamed of this day in a million years. Sitting on a table at the British Library having lunch with an Ozzie scholar on Marsden, kakZ the prominent Malaysian journalist in London, Dato Zawiyah director of the Malaysia Library and the prominent Malay woman director – Ms Shuhaimi Baba herself. OMG, who am I to be sitting at that table on a lovely rainy London afternoon talking about the Malay world and just having kedai kopi talk. Too surreal. But yet it was real!!

The vibes was just too great. I was regaled with wonderful stories from the past of women making contributions to the society. The wives of British expats – Dorothy Nixon whom started the special collections at the USM, Lady Raffles who wrote a memoir of her husband, Valerie Albakri. They sound too foreign to me. But very fascinating.

Best of all we talked about the Malay Princesses who made startlingly significant contributions to the rakyat but their stories have been buried in history. Wonderfully romantic tales of heroism, bravado. Could almost picture myself as the Princess who fights for her people. Hahah..

But perhaps all is not lost. I can still do it in my own way. In this city where it is overflowing with knowledge and artifacts, that is what I could do. Tap into all these resources that is available, find all the information I need. Do lots of research. Perhaps write a script or write a book. Someone’s gotta do it. Disseminate this important knowledge.

Its girl’s power for goodness sakes. Time to empower the Wanita Melayu. Inspire them like how the Princesses were inspired to shine for their people. Insha-Allah.

Oh dear, this means I cannot really take a break could I? More teh tarek please..

Could I do This?

Its not the best. But this is it. Surely it could be improved. But have no time to obsess over this. Got too much to do. Rousseau, David and Friedrich need my attention now.

But its been an invaluable experience editing this video for KakZ. Am so honoured to be involved. Though its just a 3-4 minute montage it is really significant. And very touching at the same time. I could just cry with Pakcik Ngah Musa when he reflected on his last trip back home to Malaysia. Pakcik Hamzah and his dream to return to Malaysia one last time. Alas, their dreams weren’t fulfilled. They returned to the Almighty first. Innalillah. Such is life. So much opportunities lost. How will my own life turn out. Entahlah. Only He knows. For now I have to make use of this opportunity to live and breathe and to make the most out of each moment. Insha-Allah.

Hopefully by getting involved in this project it’ll inspire me to do bigger things. For the people I care around me. And to better myself.

Got to focus, focus, focus as Otai kept drumming into my head.

Now for Rousseau, David and Friedrich. Ok boys, I’m all yours after Thursday!

Good thing they’re dead. Heh.

My Ballet Girl

She made Ibu so proud today. Tuesday is ballet day. We were late, and made even later because of the delay on the pink tube line at Baker St. Ibu felt so bad. BG’s been looking forward to this day for a week now since her last class.

Ibu tried to dissuade BG from going since we probably would only have 5-10 minutes in the class. She was pretty disappointed so Ibu promised to take her to the bookstore and then to have hot chocolate at the cafe. But Ibu decided, no we should try and go. Then her lightbulb moment came on and she thought of asking Georgia to let BG join the bigger girls’ class which started at 4pm. Brilliant!

True enough when we got there, BG managed to dance for about 5-10 minutes. Fortunately Georgia seemed fine with Ibu’s idea. So we stayed for the next class. And BG made her Ibu really, really proud. Of the 4 girls in that class, BG was the only brown-haired amongst the blondes. And the smallest. Yet she was able to dance in such a big way. She is more focused than some of the girls and seemed to be the most graceful amongst them all. Perhaps its just the Ibu in me talking. But its obvious BG has been blessed with the talent and grace for ballet. At the end of the class, Georgia told Ibu that BG did really well and she is welcomed to join in the big girls’ class if she wanted to. BG was beaming and wants to join the Big Girls’ class now.

Its really made the over 1 hour commute from East London to Notting Hill every Tuesday worthwhile. To see her beautiful little duckling dance like a swan. Isn’t Ibu the luckiest in the world? She is and is always, always thankful.

Thinking Allowed

Been running on an adrenaline high lately. Is it the tea tarek that I’ve been downing and staying up till 3 am to work?
The brain seems to be running on overdrive. Mind keeps exploring. Ideas seem to be exploding.

Gotta slow down. Too much going on.

Am I chasing the world?
It is merely a mirage isn’t it?

Feels like I’m gonna crash soon. Getting quite exhausted.Gotta slow down.
A meaningful event this Friday might just be the antidote.

Need to sit more and reflect.

Sort out the ramblings in my head.

Thinking aloud.


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